Fashion Garments

Not Shaun White’s loud madras snowboard jacket, the one he wore on his joyride to a gold medal for the U.S. in the men’s halfpipe, attire almost as blinding as that famous mane of red curls that popped out when he took off his helmet after nailing the Double McTwist 1260.

Not the Russian team’s bold red and white uniforms, with their curlicued applique, which would be kind of gangsta but need a bit more bedazzling before they’re invited to an initiation ceremony. Not the fabulous flames, gold and orange chopper chic Spandex, sported by the U.S. men’s double lugers as they swooshed down the ice chute.

Not even the pinafore with braces and matching Burberry pants worn by Swiss pairs figure skaters Anais Morand and Antoine Dorsaz, which, on second thought, were pretty tame by Olympic ice skating standards.

Not even U.S. figure skater Johnny Weir’s hot pink and black number with the transparent mesh gloves, which was nothing compared to his long program costume, so sparkly and flamboyant that the judges forgot he was a better skater than they gave him credit for.

Because all of the above, and so many of other fashion crimes being committed on and off the field of play, as if outrageous duds were a 2010 Winter Olympics prerequisite, were left in the dust last week when the Norwegian men’s curling team stepped on to the rink at the Vancouver Curling Centre.

Their now infamous red, white, blue and grey harlequin pants, paired with red shirts, prompted international media headlines like “Norwegians send in the clowns” and blog entries like “Hey Mr. Norweegiaann, 2 minats fr lukking so gut”, along with a great deal of cyberspace debate about whether they were hot. Or not.

Opinion remains divided. And the pants, the Norwegians having lost to Canada, are back in the Cirque du Soleil wardrobe room. Truth is, a Winter Olympics, with its need for layers of clothing, for toques and gloves and bodysuits and boots and helmets, is a hotbed for fashion run afoul, and nowhere was it more on display than at the Games’ Feb. 12 opening ceremony in BC Place, when the eyes of the world watched the Parade of Athletes march into the stadium country by country — 82 in all — tricked out by their finest fashion houses in loud and demure, in sporty and austere, in wild and tame, in drab greys and fluorescent oranges (you Dutch crazies know who you are).

There was much class afoot as well, barefoot class, mind you, with powerhouse k.d. lang belting out Hallelujah in a white tux, sans the shoes.

Mind you, it’s not like the athletes are the only culprits strutting on the Olympic runway these days: Red clearly is the new black in town, and from Canadian flag capes to maple-leaf tattooed faces, from millions of mittens to international fans and their wild interpretations of patriotism, these games are all about putting a personal stamp on one’s Olympic look.

Like the two Finnish fans, for instance, spotted walking down Homer Street dressed as ice bergs, big cubes hanging from their shoulders draped in blue and white sheeting, huge pointed white hats on their noggins, and not a little cheer in their bellies. And while it may all look like fun and games, it can be serious stuff, these Olympic moments.

Snowboarders like Shaun White and Japan’s Ryo Aono, wearing a flowered jacket that looked like his grandma’s slipcovers, can get away with anything, of course, because they’re all counterculture cool and because, like White, they have clothing lines to sell. And the Americans don’t mess around, having tapped runway icon Ralph Lauren to tart up their team’s look for 2010, employing his iconic polo ponies on the podium, so haute that Joe Biden was one preppy vice-president while attending figure skating at the Pacific Coliseum wearing a black zippered USA Ralph Lauren sweater (seated near our former prime minister Jean Chretien wearing, OMG, a suit).

All Biden needed, besides President Obama as an accessory, was a pair of those red mittens and then, there he was a day or two later, all mittened up at Cypress. And the home team is no less stylish, having turned to the bad boys of Canadian couture, Dean and Dan Caten of Dsquared, for the task of outfitting our Olympic glory du jour. If you saw soprano Measha Brueggergosman, in her lush metallic gown at the opening ceremony, you were surely dazzled.

How fashionable are the 2010 Winter Olympics?

So fashionable that on the corner of Nelson and Seymour one cold night last week, in the midst of a raucous post-game street party for a Canadian men’s hockey win, camera crews and microphones were crowded around a slight demure figure dressed in black from head to toe, head scarf to trendy leather booties.